When Keeping It All Together Starts to Feel Heavy
A lot of people come into therapy saying they’re “fine.” We even hear clients say that someone else might need their spot more than they do, and they feel guilty taking up the space.
They have routines. They stay busy. They keep things moving. From the outside, it looks like they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing — managing work, relationships, responsibilities, and their own expectations.
And yet, something feels off.
Not a crisis. Just a steady sense that it takes more effort to keep everything running than it used to. They start to wonder if other people feel as exhausted as they do just checking the boxes each day.
Routines can be supportive — until they aren’t
Routines can be grounding. They can create predictability and a sense of control, especially for people who are used to carrying a lot.
But there’s a difference between routines that support you and routines that you feel trapped by.
When routines are working, there’s flexibility. When they stop working, you might notice things like:
feeling anxious when plans change
pushing through even when you’re exhausted
a sense that rest has to be earned
irritation when things don’t go as planned
From the outside, it can still look like you’re handling everything just fine. Internally, it can feel tight and unrelenting.
High expectations don’t always feel like pressure
Many of the people we work with wouldn’t describe themselves as overly hard on themselves. They’re just used to having high standards. They expect themselves to be responsible and steady — especially when others are relying on them.
Over time, those expectations can quietly turn inward.
You might notice:
constant mental checklists
a feeling that you’re never quite “done”
difficulty slowing down without guilt
a sense that you should be able to handle this better
waking up in the middle of the night running through your lists
None of this means you’re doing something wrong. It usually means you’ve been asking a lot of yourself for a long time.
Therapy isn’t about dropping the ball
One common worry is that talking about this means you’ll have to stop caring, lower your standards, or let things fall apart.
That’s not what therapy is about.
It’s about understanding where these patterns came from, when they’ve worked for you, and whether they’re still serving you now. Often, the work is about making room for more flexibility — not abandoning the parts of you that show up and follow through.
If this sounds familiar
If you’re reading this and thinking, “This feels like me, but I don’t know if it’s serious enough,” that hesitation makes sense.
A lot of people come to therapy not because things have fallen apart, but because they’re tired of holding everything together on their own. You don’t need to wait for burnout to get support. And you don’t need to justify why this feels hard.
If keeping it all together has started to feel heavy, that’s usually worth paying attention to.
For some people, a consult call is a helpful next step; others take time to sit with what comes up here. If you’d like to learn more about working with our practice, you can schedule a free consult call when you’re ready.